8 Words Liars Use.

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Lie detection expert Janine Driver, author of the new book, You Can't Lie to Me, fills us in on the words that give away a liar.

"Left"
Sure, sometimes 'left' is the only word you can use in a situation, but there's some kind of drama involved when he uses it in place of another word that will do (think: "I left the bar at six" vs. "I went home at six"). It could be due to his desire to "leave" the lie behind.

"Never"
The big thing to look out for is when he says "never" when "no" will do. It's a sign he's overcompensating. For example, if you ask, "Did you just look at that girl's butt?" and he says, "Never!"

"That"
Like never, it depends on how he uses it. If he puts "that" in front of a noun, like "that woman" or "that money," it's a subconscious attempt for him to distance himself from the word. This is a common trick of manipulators.

"Would"
If he skips "no" and goes straight to "I would never do something like that!" when talking about a past event, be wary. For example, "Are you still talking to your ex?" "I would never do that to you!" "Would never" suggests that he plans to do it in the future.

"Yes, ma'am"
If your guy is a Southern gentleman, then this doesn't apply. But if he suddenly says "ma'am" to you out of nowhere, be cautious. It's a sign that he feels like he's feeling stressed and knows he's in trouble.

"By the way…"
Liars use phrases like this to try to minimize what they say next-but usually it's what's most important to the story. Pay extra attention to what he says afterward.

"But"
Liars usually try to downplay what they say with this word, so pay attention when he says something like, "I know this is going to sound strange, but…" or "I know you think I'm lying, but…"

"Why would I do that?"
It's a favorite stalling line of liars, so they can buy a little time to work out what to say next. These phrases also fit the bill: "What kind of person do you think I am?", "Are you calling me a liar?", and "I knew this was going to happen to me!"

What do you think?

chris

Here are 10 things I think are interesting…

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Here are 10 things I think are interesting…

 

1. I think it’s interesting that Condoleeza Rice says, “It does not matter where you came from it matters where you are going” (and gets BIG applause for it) yet there is a very vocal group of conservatives obsessed with President Obama’s past.

 

2. I think it is interesting that Mike Huckabee said he’d vote for a Mormon “in a heartbeat” and that being a Mormon is not a “disqualifier.”

 

3. I think it’s interesting that President Obama changed his itinerary from going to Texas today to Louisiana instead as soon as Mitt Romney stated he was going to visit Louisiana.

 

4. I think it is interesting that Clint Eastwood (an Oscar winning film director) used a theatrical “devise” (talking to an invisible President Obama in an empty chair) at the Republican National Convention and people in the entertainment business (some call it network news) called it “weird.”

 

5. I think it’s interesting (irritating, really) that Hurricane Isaac left too much rain down South and not enough in the KC area.

 

6. I think it’s interesting that the film 2016 Obama’s America has made over $12,000,000.

 

7. I think it is interesting that the KC Royals sweep the top two games in their division in 6 straight games when KC is hopelessly out of contention.

 

8. I think it’s interesting that the KC Chiefs rack up 247 yards rushing and allow only 46 yards rushing against Green Bay and they get beat 24 to 3.

 

9. I think it’s interesting that Sen. Claire McCaskill (D) leads Rep. Todd Akin (R) by only one percentage point in the polls (done by a liberal source no less) 45%-44%.

 

10. I think it’s interesting that my favorite food is a cookie, yet my least favorite cereal is Cookie Crisp. (Ironic, ain’t it?)

 

chris

BONUS #11: I think it's interesting that I'm going t sit in the rain for 2 hours at Wesley's football game tonight in Norborne, MO. (Should have kept that "Isaac" crack to my self.)

 

Criminal Career Options

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I was talking to a young man in the common area of Unit “E” at the Newton Correctional Facility.  He was from the Quad-Cities and 26 years of age. He was nervous about getting out of prison and “not” being a drug dealer.  Our conversation went something like this:

 

QUAD-CITIES: Chris, I’m nervous about getting out.

ME: What are you most nervous about?

QUAD-CITIES: Well, I can’t deal drugs anymore.

ME: Yes, that’s right.

QUAD-CITIES: I don’t know what I’m going to do for money.

ME: What jobs have you had in the past?

QUAD-CITIES: Dealing drugs.

ME: Besides that.

QUAD-CITIES: That’s it. I’ve only ever just been a drug dealer.

ME: You’re kidding.

QUAD-CITIES: Nope.

ME: Never had a paper route or worked fast-food or retail or anything?

QUAD-CITIES: Never needed to.

ME: How long have you been dealing drugs?

QUAD-CITIES: Since Junior High.

ME: You sold drugs AT a Junior High or you were IN Junior High when you started dealing?

QUAD-CITIES: Both. I was IN Junior High and I was AT a Junior High.

ME: What did your Dad do for a living?

QUAD-CITIES: Drug Dealer.

ME: Grandpa?

QUAD-CITIES: Drug Dealer.

ME: Siblings?

QUAD-CITIES: Dealers.

ME: Neighbors?

QUAD-CITIES: Not all of them were Dealers.

ME:…

QUAD-CITIES: Some of them were Cooks.

ME: Meth Cooks?

QUAD-CITIES: Oh…yeah.

ME: Do you know anyone who is not a Drug Dealer?

QUAD-CITIES: You.

ME: Anyone else?

QUAD-CITIES:……………My IFI mentor?

 

Insert your own life lesson here: ________________________________________.

 

chris

The Penal System/Penitentiaies/Corrections (and how to tell them apart)

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The word “jail” literally means, “a small cave or cove in a mountain.”  Apparently back in the day “bad people” were placed in those small caves as a punishment.  All the men at the Newton IFI had been to “jail”.

 

The word “prison’s” origin comes from the term for “taken.”  You are “taken” against your will to be confined when you do something against the law.

 

All societal response to “law-breaking” throughout most of human history had been in the form of “punishment.” Beatings, brandings, stocks, irons, slavery, torture, and death have been practiced and are practiced still today through out the world.  If you hurt someone, you were hurt in return (the ole’ “eye for an eye” concept.) Lawbreakers were sent to “penal” colonies to be punished, hence the term “penal system.”

 

In to 1700’s and 1800’s, however, there was a change in philosophy. The “Pennsylvania System” was incorporated in America and throughout Europe.  The term “Penitentiary” was coined.  The Quakers believed that a Lawbreaker should reflect on his crimes as well as the status of his life in general and he should “repent” or become “penitent” hence the term “Penitentiary.” It was believed a convicted criminal should “spend time alone with God” in a small cell, much like a monk.  He should pray and feel really really sorry. Then, when he was released, he would regret his crime and want to be a changed man.  The prisoner was isolated most of the day with little human interaction.

 

This was the primary “prison” philosophy up until the 1960’s and into the 1970’s.  Then the term, “Corrections” began to be used.  It was believed the Lawbreakers had some “errors” in their thinking that needed to be “corrected.”  So an educational and medical model crept into the prison system.  Different treatments and classes became available such as Alcoholics Anonymous, GED programs, Counseling, Job Training, Criminal Thinking Classes, Classes about Victims, Social Training Classes, and Re-entry Classes.

 

So, here’s the bottom line:  all three approaches (punishment/repentance/correction) have been dismal failures as far as changing people from Law-breakers to law-abiders.  At least with “punishment” the goal of “you did this so this happens to you” is fulfilled.  But no one can make anyone “feel sorry” or “think correctly” against that person’s will.

 

All three of those aspects are “right” in what they can do.  They all have a place in the changing of a law-breaker to a law-abider.  The criminal must be punished severely and aversely.  Justice demands it. The criminal must feel sorry and repent of his ways.  The criminal must change his way of thinking and learn a new way of living.

 

The question is not “what” must happen, but “how” can it happen.

 

I quickly learned how to present IFI to prison/treatment in a short synopsis that was true, but also was in terminology they could connect with.  Here is how I presented it (over and over and over…even under oath):

 

“At IFI we do not approach crime as primarily an education problem, cognitive problem, health problem, or societal problem.  We approach crime as primarily a “heart” problem and a “spiritual” problem.  If a man’s heart changes, his actions will change.”

 

I remember one time a group of Iowa State Legislators toured the IFI program.  Some of the Representatives were pro-IFI, but one woman was vehemently against IFI.  I kept talking about “men’s hearts” and “men’s spirits.” The woman could no longer contain herself and she blurted out, “You know, you keep talking about ‘hearts’ and ‘spirits’ but I don’t believe people HAVE ‘SPIRITS!’”

 

That was a telling comment, and a very “Western” comment at that.  Western thought is that there is no supernatural.  There is a belief that only the tangible exists and that only the brain and the body are involved in the life of a man.

 

But that in not so in “Eastern” thought. Even Eastern secular thought believes that there is an “intangible” or “spiritual” world that affects us.  In “Eastern” thought a man has three paths within him, his mind or thoughts, his will and emotions, and his spirit.  At the place where all three of these paths intersect is a chair or a throne. And in that chair or throne sits a man’s “Heart” who rules all three paths. Remember, Jesus was a Middle-Eastern man and he spoke of “the heart” often.

 

Everyone who is not saved has the Prince of the Rulers of the Air seated on that throne in their lives.  The spirit of the World, The very spirit of LAWLESSNESS rules in that place in the heart of the unbeliever (I didn’t say that to the treatment people) and until he is thrown down and replaced by the Good and Just King, LAWLESSNESS will continue.

 

That was our compelling reality and something we couldn’t cause to happen. God himself had to move upon a man and the man had to say “yes” to Him.

 

All we could do was tend the environment for that to happen.

 

And it did happen…often.

 

chris

IFI Gets Studied (or how flexible is your paradigm?)

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On one hand, I was very familiar with government entities as a private/contract provider of public services. At the King’s Daughters’ School we had contracts with The Tennessee Department of Education, The Department of Mental Health and Mental Retardation, the Department of Children’s Services, individual school systems from multiple states, multiple contracts from children’s services agencies from all over the country, insurance companies, and private individuals.  I juggled a lot of contracts.

 

On the other hand, I was really naïve as to the entrenched traditions and biases of the correctional system.  I didn’t realize how threatening IFI was to some long-standing practices and to the very nature of prison itself. (I’m going to write more about that at another time.)

 

Needless to say, we had a lot of visitors.  Some were blind promoters of our program without really knowing what we did.  Others were blind opponents of our program that were not interested in facts or stats.  There were a rare few who really just wanted to come see what we did and if it was effective.

 

A young lady came (let’s call her Pam, because I can’t remember her name) from a national prison treatment program entity (let’s call it the National Therapeutic Community Organization again, that’s totally made-up.) Pam from NTCO traveled the country assessing and accrediting prison treatment programs.  She and her minions were at Newton to see if what we did at IFI compared to the “best practices” of prison treatment.

 

Statistically speaking, prison treatment programs fail miserably, as does prison itself when it comes to coming back to prison.  We were kind of there in Iowa on the premise of, “Guess what traditional prison treatment people? You are failures and we’re here to do something different.” We were on a waiver (so to speak) and we were not obligated to participate.  We didn’t need the “accreditation.”  Jack Cowley would have fought their assessment tooth and nail. But Sam and I welcomed it.  We weren’t afraid of what they would find and we certainly had nothing to hide.  I wanted to see how we stacked-up.

 

In came the assessment team, and because I was in charge of the in-prison treatment program I was the first to be interviewed by Pam.  She took copious notes and asked excellent questions.  Near the end of the interview, our conversation went something like this:

 

ME: Miss Pam, I want to tell you something up front about what you will likely find as you assess our program

PAM: Yes?

ME: You’ll see many processes you are familiar with.

PAM: Ok?

ME: You’ll see education groups, insight groups, independent studies, processing groups…

PAM: Yes, go on (as she begins writing furiously on her yellow legal pad)

ME: You’ll see shared values and expectations in a community setting…

PAM: Uh-huh (scribble, scribble, scribble…)

ME: You’ll see peer counseling, tutoring and accountability…

PAM: (scribble, scribble, erase. Scribble, scribble…)

ME: You’ll see community connections and volunteers with pro-social modeling.

PAM: Yessssssss…

ME: Then you’ll se a lot of outcomes…

PAM:……

ME: You’ll see pro-social interactions and insight. You’ll notice brighter affects and happiness.  You see participants who can clearly articulate what their crimes were and how it affected their victims, their families and even themselves…

PAM: Yes, Yes…Yes…

ME: Then you will try to connect the dots from one particular treatment activity and how it affects a particular and specific outcome or trait.

PAM: YES! (SCRIBBLE SCRIBBLE SCRIBBLE…)

ME: But at this point you’ll become a bit frustrated because on the one hand you’ll have a lot of varying processes and on the other you’ll see all these wonderful desired outcomes.  But something happens in between the process and the outcome that you don’t know about and that you won’t be able to quantify…

PAM: (SCRRRRRRIIIIIBBBBBBBBLLLLLLLLLE……)

ME: What happens between the Process and the outcome is what we like to call,

“A Miracle.”

 

PAM: (dead stop……) What?

 

ME: A Miracle happens. The men’s hearts change and they are different people and therefore, do and say different things. I can’t explain it any differently. A Miracle happens.

 

Pam walked out of my office in a bit of a daze.  I didn’t talk to her again for the rest of the week as she talked to counselors, inmates, staff and observed everything I told her she would observe.

 

Weeks later, a whole team of treatment representatives, DOC officials, evaluators and prison officials all crowed into the library in Building, “M” to here the results of our treatment evaluation.  When it was time for PAM to report on all of the specifics, I felt a bit bad for her.  She began her report something like this:

 

PAM: IFI practices most of the components of successful therapeutic communities. They utilize a variety of groups. There is community life and shared accountability.  There is pro-social modeling and lots of education.  And the outcomes are good as evidenced in the lived of the participants. They are positive and pro-social in their demeanor. They seem hopeful and have solid outlooks for their release. They are articulate when it comes to their triggers and they have good plans.  Upon looking at the treatment components and the outcomes there really wasn’t a clear…that is to say… there really wasn’t a direct link…when trying to….

 

Then she made probably the best descriptive statement about IFI I’ve ever heard.

 

She said:

 

“For years in the treatment field we’ve talked a lot about cognitive restructuring. What IFI is attempting to do is the most difficult kind of restructuring of all, the restructuring of the heart.”

 

Well said.

 

chris

It seems like Mike Bickle was stalking me...

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In 1988 Amy and I lived in Nashville.  Our home church was The Belmont Church on Music Row.  Belmont had a brand new building and there was a lot of excitement, as well as a lot of guest speakers.

 

We were all kind of relieved (or disappointed) that the Rapture hadn’t happened in spite of those theological masterpieces, “88 reasons Why the Rapture Will Be in 1988” and it’s follow-up, “89 Reasons Why the Rapture Will Be in 1989” by Edgar C. Whisenant.

…but back to all the guest speakers.

One dude who came to Belmont was a little Vineyard guy named Mike Bickle.  He was very, very excited.  He raised his voice a lot when he talked, not in a shouty way or even as a preaching technique. He just got very enthusiastic and his voice got louder and louder.  He had with him an old dude, Paul Cain.

Apparently Paul Cain was a “Prophet.” From an early age and he would “read-people’s-mail” at church, especially church leadership. Then he was out of circulation for 40 years or something like that and now he was back in the “prophesy” business again (that was a horribly inadequate and inaccurate recounting, I’m just kind of lazy right now.)

Bickle and Cain were at Belmont for a few meetings and Amy and I went. The only thing I remembered was that I thought Paul Cain was a terrible preacher.  His jokes were sophomoric and corny.  He meandered as he talked. I don’t remember any points from any of his “lessons.”  But then he would pray and prophesy of people and that seemed to have an effect.

Bickle kept talking about prayer and worship and his vision and prayer and worship…(and prayer and worship.)  He was weird, but I liked him.

Fast forward to 1998…

 
Amy, the family and were entrenched at New Life in Columbia and we were in the midst of full-blown charismatic revival.  We heard about Brownsville and Toronto, Smithton, and Kansas City, specifically “the Kansas City Prophets” with (who else) Mike Bickle, Paul Cain, and a host of others.

Fast forward again to 2001…

Amy, the family and I were in Newton and I was fighting to keep my head above water at IFI.  Prison Fellowship scheduled a conference for all of the IFI staff.  The entire staffs from Texas, Kansas, and Iowa were going to meet for a weekend in Kansas City.  Our Aftercare Manager, Greg Allen, was very excited to be in Kansas City to go to this new 24-hour prayer and worship ministry called IHOP, The International House of Prayer started by (you guessed it) Mike Bickle.  So after the super-boring IFI meetings, a bunch of us would pile in our rented 15-passenger van and head to IHOP.  It was a bit tricky to find, but we found it.

The first think I noticed was that the Prayer Room was really just 4 double-wide trailers lashed together, just like M-Building at the prison.  The next thing I noticed was that the floor of the trailers was really spongy (I later found out that Mike Bickle thought it would be a great idea to put judo mats under the carpet so it would be soft for those on their knees. It was not a great idea.)

We got to the prayer room at around 10:30 PM.  There were people scattered throughout the room that could maybe seat a couple hundred.  There was a map of the world on one wall, a place to take communion at another wall and some people at the front of the room with guitars singing.  I plopped down in a chair and closed my eyes.  I could tell they were improvising their lyrics around a 4-chord progression.  Each singer would sing a bit in-turn and they would “go-around-the-horn” as it were.  I had my Bible in my hand but I never opened it. I just listened.  Soon, one person from the worship team left, then another, then another, finally a new guitar player sat down and he began to sing.  Someone tapped me on the shoulder and said, “We probably should go, we have a very early morning.” I was about to question leaving within a ½ of our arrival until I looked at my watch, it was after midnight. We had been there nearly 2-hours and it seemed like 30 minutes. I knew I’d be coming back the next night.

The next night, Friday night, we arrived at the same time. There were more people in the prayer room than the previous night.  I sat in the very front row just a few feet from the worship team. There was a thin young woman on the piano and three other young women singing.  To the side was a percussion player who also sang.  They again sang a simple repeated lyric over a 4-chord progression.  This went on for some time, They sang:

Eternity is written in my heart

 

Eternity is written in my heart

Eternity is written in my heart

Eternity is written in my heart

Try as I might to find another lover I find there is there in no other

Try as I might to find another lover I find there is there in no other

Over and over they sang these phrases.  In the pauses one of the singers would say short prayers/phrases, “There is none like you…no one can take your place…you love us.”

After some time the intensity changed and the young piano player began to sing:

If I never, walk on water

If I never see the miracle

If I never hear your voice so loud

It’s enough to know you love me

It’s enough to be here at your side

I couldn’t leave if I tried

 And around the horn they would go…

The young woman then shouted out, “Lord You love us…you bend down and kiss our hearts!” Tears sprung from my eyes as I sang along.  I didn’t want to leave that room, but more importantly, I didn’t want to leave who I could feel and perceive in that room.

On our way back to the hotel that night I whispered something very small in my heart. I said, “Lord, I never want to leave IFI. It is perfect for me, but if I have to leave, I would want to come here.”

Little did I know what that prayer would do…

chris

 

For More Info

 

mikebickle.org/

 

www.mistyedwards.com/

 

www.paulcain.org/

 

The "88 Reasons" Guy

 

www.ihopkc.org/

 

 

 

 

gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw

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I Corintians 3: 10-15

¹⁰ By the grace God has given me, I laid a foundation as a wise builder, and someone else is building on it. But each one should build with care. ¹¹ For no one can lay any foundation other than the one already laid, which is Jesus Christ. ¹² If anyone builds on this foundation using gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw, ¹³ their work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of each person’s work. ¹⁴ If what has been built survives, the builder will receive a reward. ¹⁵ If it is burned up, the builder will suffer loss but yet will be saved—even though only as one escaping through the flames.

I've been thinking about this a lot...

chris