Mr. Geil (Cynically) Explains The News: 12//06/19 or "Impeachment Edition."

Mr. Geil (Cynically) Explains The News:

Impeachment Edition:

So there are two teams of crooks. They live in Washington DC. Then another crook from New York, but also kind-of from Florida, who's not actually part of either team, but is really part of both teams, gets elected president. One team of crooks says, “Whoa, whoa, whoa. You don't get to be president! Get out of our cat-poop-filled crooked sandbox! You have your own rat-poop-filled crooked sandbox to play in!.” The other team says, “Whoa, whoa, whoa. We don't want you to be president either but we're kind of stuck with you.” So then one set of crooks says, “Hey you kind of did some things that might be crooked even though every president ever has done the exact same thing you just did.” So they have this big poorly-rated TV show where a bunch of the crooks tell a bunch of things that are probably lies. Then another bunch of crooks tells a bunch of different things that are probably lies to neutralize the previous crooks mostly probably lies. Then this foreign crook gets asked, “Hey what about that crooked stuff that our crooked president said?” Then the foreign crook says, “Your current crooked president didn't say that. As a matter of fact, your crooked president before this crooked president did the very same thing you're accusing your current crooked president of doing. Your current crook actually didn't do the crooked thing you say he crookedly did. He actually did the opposite.” Then the crooks respond, “Ok. So we’re just going to go ahead and put down that you said he DID do the crooked thing and we’ll pretend the previous crook didn’t do that crooked thing.” Meanwhile, there's a bunch of stuff those crooks are supposed to do as part of their jobs. But instead of doing their jobs they tried to preserve their traditional way of crookedness. Meanwhile, meanwhile, America ate more Doritos...and waited.
#mrgeilexplainsthenews

Mr. Geil Explains the News: 10/11/19 or "UKRAINE + PHONE CALLS + BIDEN = IMPEACHMENT?"

Mr. Geil Explains the News.
UKRAINE + PHONE CALLS + BIDEN = IMPEACHMENT?
1. Hunter Biden is Joe Biden’s youngest son. He is either an entrepreneur or a bum.
2. In 2014 Hunter Biden got on the board of a Ukranian natural gas company “Burisma Holdings” and was paid $50,000.00 a month because he is really good at gas, or he was the son of the Vice President of the US of A. *Previously Hunter Biden had 0% experience in the natural gas industry, he’d never even been to Taco Bell.
3. Also in 2014, “Burisma Holdings” was under investigation for corruption by the National Anti-Corruption Bureau of Ukraine because of stuff they did/or didn’t do with the Ukranian Ecology Board in 2010-2012.
4. Joe Biden told the Ukraine Government, “Get rid of Viktor Shokin (a head dude at the Anti-Corruption Bureau) or we won’t give you a billion dollars.”
5. This was done either because Shokin was investigating a natural gas company tied to Biden's son or it was because Shokin wasn't pursuing corruption among the country's politicians.
6. In 2019, Trump called the leader of Ukraine and said, “Hey, could you please look into this whole Corruption Investigation/Biden/get-rid-of-Shokin-thing” Trump then added/or didn’t add, “Or I won’t give you a billion dollars.”
7. Then someone blew a whistle or someone made up that someone blew a whistle.
8. The (possibly made-up) person who blew the whistle did or did not work for Biden in the past and may or may not be working for Biden now (if that person is real.)
9. Then someone said that someone else may also possibly blow yet another whistle...or maybe not.
10. When asked about that time Trump pressured him to investigate something about Biden and something else because of money, the Ukranian President, Volodymyr Zelensky answered, “No he didn’t.”
11. Then the questioner replied, “Oh yay? Well, we have whistles.”
12. Also, Presidents may or may not be able to tell people in other governments they can or can’t have money if they do or don’t do things.
13. Also, also, other people running for president may or may not have asked other governments to investigate Trump when he was running for President the first time.
14. Also, also, also, let's just add this to the list of reason's why Trump may (or may not) need to be impeached.
#mrgeilexplainsthenews

MR GEIL EXPLAINS THE NEWS: 10/10/19 or "Here's how I see it."

Mr. Geil Explains the News.
So, here’s the way I’m seeing it:
1. Everything Trump says or does is bad and a lie...or, maybe it’s true...or maybe some of it is true and some of it is a lie...and there’s really no way to calculate the percentages of which is which.
2. Everything the Democrats/The Left accuse Trump of is true and he should be impeached...or maybe it is all a lie and they should be impeached...or, maybe some of it is true and some of it is a lie...and there’s really no way to calculate the percentages of which is which.
3. Everything the Republicans/The Right excuse Trump of is true and he should not be impeached...or maybe it is all a justification and they should be impeached along with him...or, maybe some of it is true and some of it is a lie...and there’s really no way to calculate the percentages of which is which.
4. Everything CNN/CNBC/ABC/CBS/NBC/NPR accuse Trump of is true and he should be impeached...or maybe it is all a lie and there are no repercussions for their lies...or, maybe some of it is true and some of it is a lie...and there’s really no way to calculate the percentages of which is which.
5. Everything FOX/LIMBAUGH excuse Trump of is true and he should not be impeached...or maybe it is all a lie and there are no repercussions for their lies...or, maybe some of it is true and some of it is a lie...and there’s really no way to calculate the percentages of which is which.
AND NOW FROM THE WORLD OF SPORTS!
6. And the NBA loves China? Or is mad at China? Or China is mad at the NBA? Or something...
7. SnoopDog gave Bill Self a gold chain...now KU is in trouble.
#mrgeilexplainsthenews