Within my first 10 months at IFI (see A Very Boring Overview of InnerChange Freedom Initiative ) I was very discouraged. I was "set upon from all sides."
> The guys in the program seemed to be against me.
> Some of the IFI staff were actively and openly speaking against me.
> The IFI national directors were working against the very things I was trying to instill
> Prison Fellowship itself was complaining about the cost of our program
> The Newton Correctional staff looked at us (me) with open hostility and disdain. Some were actively sabotaging our (my) efforts.
> Some volunteers who had thier own agenda were complaining about me at a national level.
> My wife was unhappy.
> My kids were disobeing me.
> I was whining a lot
I don't remember the exact circumstance, but one day I had had it. I left the prison in the following manner:
SHUT DOWN MY COMPUTER: Stupid lap top. Slow, terrible internet connection. How can I get anything done with crappy stuff like this?
OFFICE DOOR: Stupid keys! Why do I need all these keys anyway?
OUT OF "M" BUILDING: Stupid trailers. What a crappy building.
DOWN THE YARD: Why are we on the back end of the joint anyway? Lord, why did you even bring me here with these guys anyway? They don't do anything I say. And every one of them would argue with a rock.
A THE KEY DROP: What is taking so long with the stupid keys? The DOC folks like to just Jack with me anyway. We provide, basically a free service to their failed prison and they hold onto my chit behind their stupid tinted glass...just because they can.
LOCKED DOOR #1: My own counselors are even against me. They don't think I know what I'm talking about.
LOCKED DOOR #2: My kids are running around crazy and disobeying me. Lord, why did you even bring me here. My kids could disobey me in Tennessee where at least it would be warm?
LOCKED GATE TO THE SALLY PORT: Why did you bring me here to fail? I would have been happy to fail in Tennessee where there was at least my wife was happy?
THEN THE LORD SPOKE TO MY SPIRIT:
Chris, I sent my one and only Son to the earth, and they killed Him.
I'm letting you walk out of this prison alive.
That is more than I afforded my own Son.
You get to walk out of here alive...and that's all you get.
ME: Yes Sir.
But as it turned out, that wasn't all I got. I received some of the most heart swelling fulfillment of my entire life. He enriched my marriage. He worked in the hearts of my kids. He blossomed the ministry of IFI. He was faithful...even through my whining.
chris
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